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home : columns : dear harriette April 27, 2018

   
3/30/2018 10:05:00 AM
Mom pressuring reader to attend alma mater

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am applying for graduate schools and programs, and my parents are helping me pay for it. I have a few choices of schools, but my mother has been very enthusiastic about her alma mater. I like her alma mater, but I don't want her to be disappointed if I don't choose it. I'm afraid she will use her financial assistance to convince me to go there and will make me feel bad if don't. How should I choose the school that's right for me? -- Choosing Grad School, Atlanta



DEAR CHOOSING GRAD SCHOOL: Talk to your mother about your career goals and which schools have good programs that support them. Be specific with the information you share. The more you figure out exactly what you want to do and which institutions can help you reach your goals, the easier it will be for you to show your mother your options. Include her alma mater in the mix of schools. List the pros and cons of each school, and compare them.

Your research will help you to determine which schools are best suited to you. Include your mother in this process so that she can see how you come to your top choices. This will make it easier for both of you to decide which is the best grad school for you to attend.



DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother and I have a very close relationship. I call her almost every day and update her with any big things going on in my life. Recently, she has started dating a new guy, and we aren't speaking as often as we used to.

I am very glad that she is in a new relationship and is happy, but I miss talking to her. I'm not sure if it's selfish of me to want to speak to my mom all the time, being that I am 22 years old, or just that I'm not used to her having a boyfriend. I don't want to bring it up to my mom, because I'm scared she will take it personally or that I will seem very needy.

What is your take on how much communication is healthy and normal between a mother and a daughter? Do you think I am overreacting when it comes to speaking with my mom? -- Daughter Misses Mom, Cleveland



DEAR DAUGHTER MISSES MOM: What you are experiencing is a natural shift whenever a loved one gets a boyfriend or girlfriend. Suddenly, there is less time for friends and adult children because the lovebirds are so devoted to each other. The good news is that the intensity that excludes others usually doesn't last too long. Give your mom some space to explore her new relationship.

You can suggest that you spend some time together. Invite her to coffee or to go shopping, something that will get her attention. But try not to push too hard at first. She will come around.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.





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