DEAR HARRIETTE: My stepfather has been making increasingly sexist comments whenever I visit him and (mostly) my mother. Now that they have been married a few years, I believe he thinks it's acceptable to let his guard down and spew his thoughts about how "women aren't really fit for the workplace." I know it's a bunch of malarkey, but it still angers me that my mother doesn't say anything to him. She's been working for over 30 years! Is it not my place to speak up? I feel like he says this to get a rise out of me. -- Ignoramus Stepfather, Cambridge, Massachusetts Saturday, July 22, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My little sister has been pretending to take her ADD medication by half swallowing it as she walks out the door in front of my mom and coughing it up as she walks to the bus to go to school. I have seen her do this over a dozen times out the window, so I know it's not a one-time thing. Should I tell my parents about what I'm seeing? She has gotten bad reports at school, and they think this medication will help her. -- Sip and Swallow, Milwaukee Friday, July 21, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: This summer, I am directly managing an intern for my operations team. Whenever my intern has some downtime, I encourage her to go check out other departments of the company so she can learn during her time with us. Thursday, July 20, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I believe my car repairman is taking advantage of me. Admittedly, I don't know much about my car and how it functions, but "Jeff" gives me quotes about how many hundreds it will cost to replace parts on a fairly new American-made car after I go in to change my oil. He makes this seem like such a pressing issue, but I can't help but feel like he's just trying to squeeze every penny out of me. There are only two repair shops in town, so I choose between high prices or lies from Jeff. How can I assert myself so he stops trying to hold my car hostage? -- If It Ain't Broke, Aberdeen, Maryland Wednesday, July 19, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My nephew is in town visiting with some of his high school buddies. We agreed that he would come to dinner with my family and me one evening. Monday, July 17, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a ton of food allergies, and sometimes when I am at a restaurant, it can be embarrassing to order food. I scrutinize the menu carefully all the time, but if not all of the ingredients are listed, I sometimes find myself in trouble. Saturday, July 15, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I want to go back to school and get my bachelor's degree. I think it will help me to earn more money in my field. When I tell my family and friends about my dream, they laugh at me and don't seem to take me seriously. Friday, July 14, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been working freelance for the past 10 years or so, and it has been a rocky road. Sometimes I've had great contracts. Other times, not so much. This year has been especially tough, and I am broke. Really broke. I have credit card debt, and I feel like my whole world is collapsing on me. Thursday, July 13, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: The way I grew up, the only grade my father considered worth getting was an A. He thought getting 100 on a test was the only acceptable score. While I was an A student, I found it extremely stressful to try to live up to his expectations. That's why when I had my daughter, I decided not to put that same kind of pressure on her. I expect her to do well, but I do not enforce strict rules about grades. Wednesday, July 12, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 9-year-old daughter is going to sleepaway camp for the first time this summer, and I am a basket of nerves. She is quite independent for her age, and we have gotten excellent reports about the camp. I'm not worried about her safety. I just know how much I'm going to miss her. The most time we have spent apart from each other is a week when I had to go on a trip for work. The camp allows parents to call children only once a week. How can I stay calm when I am going to be separated from my baby for two whole weeks? I'm already driving my husband crazy just thinking about it. -- Separation Anxiety, Alexandria, Virginia Tuesday, July 11, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: An acquaintance of mine asked me to read a script that he had written, but I have never gotten around to reading it. It was such an awkward moment when he asked me to read it, in person in a restaurant, that I felt compelled to say yes, but then I was either too busy, uninterested or forgetful to complete the circle. I see this guy occasionally, and I know he remembers. This was something he had worked on for a very long time. I feel bad that I agreed to do something and then reneged on it. I have no idea where the script is anymore. Monday, July 10, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have recently been promoted at my company, and I now directly manage the interns. One of the interns is consistently 10 to 15 minutes late to work. She always stays later than the other interns, but I think she should be prompt instead of making it up later. The company as a whole is relaxed about working hours, but this isn't the example I want set. -- Tick Tock, Seattle Saturday, July 8, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently texted with my former boss because I found an old picture of her with some former colleagues and thought she would like to have it. Her response was immediate, but it included a curse word. I was surprised because she doesn't curse, but I didn't think much of it. She wrote back immediately apologizing and saying she couldn't believe that a swear word had been sent by her. She quickly figured out that she had mistyped. She was so embarrassed. Even though I assured her it was no big deal, it really bothered her. Was there more that I should have said? -- Awkward Exchange, Atlanta Friday, July 7, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I commute to work via rail every day. There are designated quiet cars in the back of the train. Here, people typically stay silent and allow others to get some extra shuteye or read the paper. Recently, there's been a brash businessman talking loudly on the phone in the quiet car. I hoped this would happen only once, but it's been more than a week. He is quiet when the conductor comes by, and then he begins barking about business deals. What can I say to him that'll get my message across? He doesn't seem like he'd take kindly to being told to can it. -- Shh!, Scarsdale, New York Thursday, July 6, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I bring a packed lunch from home every day to work. Usually, the entire office goes out to eat at a swanky place where lunch and a beverage will cost $20. They ask me to join them, but I have a perfectly good lunch already made for a fraction of the cost. Should I start going out with them? I feel like my lunch makes me seem antisocial in the office. -- From Home, Westchester, New York Wednesday, July 5, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I've liked "Bri" for nearly two years. She was in a relationship at the time, and I respected this, so when she recently became single, I was elated to have my chance with her. I expressed my feelings to my friend "Jeff" before I asked Bri to spend time with me, and a few days later, Bri was going on a date with Jeff! I feel like he totally took her from me. Should I confront Jeff about being a bad friend? -- Bro Code, Dallas Tuesday, July 4, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a pretty strained relationship with my grandfather. He was not a great parent, and my father hasn't spoken to him in over 20 years. Monday, July 3, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I desperately need to make a few dollars. I have been out of work for several months now, and I can't pay my bills. Saturday, July 1, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband wants to go skydiving. I told him he could go by himself, because I have no interest in going. He wants me to do it with him and won't stop bugging me about it. He won't do it alone. Should I do it? I am so nervous, and I have a little fear of heights. -- Skydiving, Seattle Friday, June 30, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have to get braces, and I am upset about it. The orthodontist says I am going to have them for four years. I am nervous because I am going to have them for the majority of high school. I am scared I am going to look so bad with them. I don't want braces. How should I prepare myself? -- Braces for Life, Detroit Thursday, June 29, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My 14-year-old son wants to dye his hair red and get a mohawk. I am strongly opposed to it, and I won't let him do it. He is mad at me and will not speak to me. I don't know what to do. Should I let him do it? -- Red Mohawk, Las Vegas Wednesday, June 28, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a shy 13-year-old. I recently went to the eye doctor, and I found out I need glasses. I don't want glasses, and my mom won't let me use contacts. Glasses make me look like a bug. I am very anxious. How do I cope with it? -- Four Eyes, Denver Tuesday, June 27, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I found a recent segment on "60 Minutes" -- regarding modern technology and the overuse of smartphones by teenagers -- concerning. The report noted that the goal of these phones and available applications on these devices is to compel overuse by stimulating pleasure hormones in the brain to the point of addiction for many users, particularly teenager users. Monday, June 26, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: Recently, one of my friends broke up with her boyfriend. She claims that since she hasn't been single in a long time, she can do whatever she wants with boys. Her actions have been a little out of control. She is betraying her girlfriends, including me. Every time somebody tells her she has changed, she gets really defensive. I have begun to distance myself from her. She keeps asking me what is wrong, or what she did. I am not sure what to do because I want to simply avoid drama, but I also want her to understand what she is doing. -- Girl 4 Girl, Portland, Oregon Saturday, June 24, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: A few days ago, I waited for my best friend to come outside of her home for 30 minutes. I ended up leaving and eating at a restaurant alone so I could continue with my day. She never apologizes when this scenario happens because she justifies it I can always carry on with our plan without her. Should I cease the invites until she figures out how to read a clock? -- Get Out, Philadelphia Friday, June 23, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was always overweight as a teen and young adult. I recently lost a considerable amount of weight. Although I am happy with this change, I hate when people comment only on my appearance and tell me how much more attractive I am now that I've shed the pounds. Is there any way I can steer the conversation to my personality or accomplishments that don't have to do with how I look to other people? It seriously irks me that people just give their unsolicited opinions on my body. -- Don't Want It, Glen Burnie, Maryland Thursday, June 22, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: Against my wishes, my preteen daughter watched an online show that is very graphic in terms of sexual assault, underage drinking and suicide. I only know that she watched it after looking at her online account, and I don't know if I should punish her or use this as a teachable moment. I'm sure sitting down with her mother to talk about these hard-hitting topics would be enough to make her squirm, but my husband thinks I should just take away access to the streaming service. How should I react to my daughter going behind my back? -- All Topics Welcome, Seattle Wednesday, June 21, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I didn't get an internship offer from any of the companies that I interviewed with. I have three months ahead of me, and my best job opportunity looks like baby-sitting or being a housekeeper -- and I can't put these jobs on my already-sparse resume. What do I do now? It is too late to snag an internship, considering all of my friends got approved for theirs weeks ago? -- Bummer Summer, Madison, Wisconsin Tuesday, June 20, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been friends with "Kelly" for about five years. She sees me as one of her closest friends, but honestly, I don't know much about her. Kelly is very reserved and is a homebody. I have met her siblings and boyfriend a few times, but other than that, I find our time together is me sharing my life and mishaps with her. I try to ask her about her life, but this is always met with deflection. Is there anything else I can do to make Kelly open up to me and stop being so distant? -- Let Me In, Boston Monday, June 19, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I lost one of my mom's earrings, which she let me borrow for a party. I know that she is going to be so mad at me if I tell her I lost the earring. She told me to put them in a plastic bag when I took them off so I wouldn't lose them. I skipped that step. Should I wait until she asks for the earrings or just tell her that I lost one of them? -- One Earring Left, Portland, Oregon Saturday, June 17, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend, "Jack," has a very old dog who he takes everywhere. Jack's defense for this is that his dog is dying, and he wants him to experience as much as possible. I understand the love one has for a furry companion, but I can't imagine taking my dogs anywhere while their health is failing. His dog has thrown up in my home on multiple occasions. Should I say something to Jack about how upsetting and inappropriate it is for him to take his dog everywhere? -- Thumbs Preferred, Bethpage, New York Friday, June 16, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My family has a formal manner of dressing, and I have never been a fan of changing into a dress just to go downstairs for family dinner. My mother and sister especially rag on my style and tell me to stop being so "sloppy" and to "try a little." I tend to spend my money on outdoor gear or plane tickets, not $300 shoes. Is there any way I could get them to appreciate my laid-back style, or do I just have to learn to let their comments roll off my back? -- Not en Mode, Salem, Massachusetts Thursday, June 15, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My grandma has been experiencing early symptoms of dementia and has been growing increasingly irritated with the family. My aunt persuaded her to see a doctor, and Grandma was on medication that made her -- and everyone around her -- happier. When her symptoms went away, she stopped taking her medication. My aunt has reached out to me to try to talk some sense into my aging grandmother. What can I say to her to approach this topic sensitively but firmly? Everyone's patience is wearing thin. -- Getting Better, Milwaukee Wednesday, June 14, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: After so many recent terrorist attacks, I am afraid of being in public spaces. I do not want my adult children traveling to cities that have been attacked, either. Even using underground public transportation makes me anxious. In these times of uncertainty, what can I do to stop wanting to be a recluse? I do not feel safe. -- Safely Hiding, South Orange, New Jersey Tuesday, June 13, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My sister is very indecisive. She does not understand that her behavior influences others' lives. For example, she bailed on a family vacation after we had already paid for it, citing that she just doesn't feel like it is the right decision anymore. How can I balance her indecisiveness without going insane? I can't just exclude my sister from family gatherings. -- Choose One, Minneapolis Monday, June 12, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: A close friend who moved away a few years ago is now moving back to my town. We fell out of contact over the last year because she left. A few days ago, she came in contact, informing me that she was moving back. She never put in the effort to keep the friendship going when she moved away, so I stopped, too. Saturday, June 10, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: After being a teacher in my district for 25 years, I was offered the position of school principal. I had already been thinking about retirement and everything I still want to see in the world. I was planning on retirement in the next 10 years, but if I accept this position, that wouldn't be a possibility. The salary, however, is significantly more than I am making now. Should I take on this position to have a cushier retirement fund and sacrifice a few years still working? -- New Opportunities, Salisbury, Maryland Friday, June 9, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My teenage daughters are obsessed with taking photos of themselves. Just last week, I walked into my backyard to see a bikini photoshoot they were having with each other. They explained that this is all for social media and for likes. I am not comfortable with the amount of time they spend creating an image that isn't real. Another time, they spent hours doing their makeup on a Sunday, posed against a white wall and edited these photos on their laptops. Thursday, June 8, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE:Before the actual prom, there is a "pre-prom." This is where we take pictures all together and then we head over to prom. Typically, the girls plan pre-prom, and the guys do after-prom. This year, it is a little different because the guys are planning pre-prom. Wednesday, June 7, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am currently focused on building my savings account and becoming financially secure. I work a 9-to-5 job, and I bartend on the weekends, so this doesn't leave much time for myself. Recently, my friend "Alec" told me that he sees me as something more than a friend. I could see us in a relationship, but I am honestly too focused on creating stability right now. Do I let this opportunity pass me by? I barely have time for myself, let alone a relationship. -- Riding Solo, Dallas Tuesday, June 6, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend has been fighting with her parents more than usual. This friend likes to keep her life very private, but we can tell she has a lot of thoughts bottled up. She doesn't like to talk to us -- her friends -- about it because she wants us to think that she has the perfect family. She doesn't understand that every family has their fights and every child fights with her parents. We can relate. She needs someone to talk to who can keep it confidential -- maybe even a therapist. My friends want to tell her, but we know she will get upset and offended. What should we do? -- Stargirl, Providence, Rhode Island Monday, June 5, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: Many of my friends are going to graduate school post-graduation, but I have not made this decision for myself yet. My career values experience more than a master's degree, but I feel like all of my peers are continuing school and I would, quite frankly, feel stupid if I were the only one without a graduate degree. Should social pressure lead me to obtain more education, or should I try to find my way in the professional world? -- Needing More, New York City Saturday, June 3, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is getting remarried in a few weeks, and she has turned into a total bridezilla! My sister has been at her wit's end with her while I just try to maintain some peace in the family. I have been feeling myself burning out and have been constantly sick. My mother is asking way too much of us as she plans this fairy-tale wedding. I want her to be happy, but it's wearing on me. Should I sacrifice my health right now to keep the wedding flowing smoothly? -- Health Vs. Happiness, Milwaukee Friday, June 2, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am a preschool teacher, and I have had to reprimand "Adam" more times than I can remember. He is constantly touching me inappropriately on my chest or behind. I tell him this is not allowed, but he never listens to me, or he simply giggles and runs away. Adam's parents aren't very involved, so I'd feel like a burden reaching out to them, but I feel this developmental step is important for Adam to learn. Do I just bite the bullet and have them come in to speak with me? -- Paws Off, Richmond, Virginia Thursday, June 1, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My boss' son works in my department. A few days ago, my boss called me into his office to ask if I thought his son deserved a promotion. I hesitated, and my boss said I could have a few days to observe and come back to him with a final answer. I have been working in the department far longer than his son, so I would like to use this opportunity to mention that I should be considered for a promotion. Is this the right setting to do this? His son does not deserve a promotion after only a few months on the job. -- My Time to Shine, Pensacola, Florida Wednesday, May 31, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: My wedding anniversary is coming up soon, and I really want to do something special with my husband this time. Historically, he never wants to do anything. I always want to create some kind of celebration, and if anything happens, it's because I plan it. I wish my husband would initiate an idea for us. Since that's not likely to happen, what can I do to make the day special so that he will enjoy it as well? -- Anniversary Blues, Cleveland Tuesday, May 30, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I saw what appeared to be self-harm marks on my friend’s hip while we were at the beach. I didn’t want to bring more attention to these lines by asking for another opinion, but I am worried about her. Should I probe into her life even though we aren’t best friends? No one else seems as concerned as I am. -- Talk to Me, Coney Island, New York Monday, May 29, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: At the last minute, I agreed to have an acquaintance help out on a project I was working on because it sounded like she might be able to bring in some much-needed funding. It turns out that her participation was shocking. She was loud and obnoxious the whole time. She did not bring in one dollar. She did turn me on to a couple of good resources for the project, but honestly, it wasn't worth it. Saturday, May 27, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who doesn't understand boundaries. She is lonely and constantly wants to engage with me and my family, as well as other neighbors. It has gotten to be too much. She will stop by unannounced and uninvited and bang on the door or ring the bell. The time of day is of no matter to her. And if I answer and tell her it's not a good time or that I have company, she barges in anyway and inserts herself into the experience. I haven't figured out a way to get her to understand that mine is not an open door for her. I don't want to be rude, but she has gone way overboard in wearing out her welcome. SOS! -- Overboard, Brooklyn, New York Friday, May 26, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I like to read. When I am not doing anything else, I love to sit outside and read a good book. I read them fast, and I do not want to keep spending money on books. It has added up. I have to spend my money on more important things, but losing the enjoyment is hard. What should I do? -- Bookworm, Burlington, Vermont Thursday, May 25, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: A friend's mom recently told her that she had put on a few pounds and needed to lose it. When my friend mentioned it to me, I took it as a joke, like I thought she would, because she does not need to lose weight. A few days later, I walked into her house and there were sticky notes on the food cabinets and the refrigerator. One of them said, "Do not eat unless you are hungry." The other one said, "Are you hungry?" I tried to act as if everything was normal, but that just isn't normal. I am not sure how to act or what to do. Do I do anything? -- Weight Loss, Richmond, Virginia Wednesday, May 24, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: An ex-boyfriend keeps messaging me at 4 a.m., when intoxicated, saying something like, "I miss you." I never acknowledge it, but it continues to happen.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am disappointed that my family did not get me a card or anything for Mother's Day. I am married with two children who are 9 and 12. I can see how the children might not think of it, though I always remember their birthdays and every other special day you can imagine. But my husband did not think to get a card for them or a present or anything. They didn't offer to take me to dinner, so I ended up cooking. It hurt my feelings. Usually I organize everything, but I am tired of having to be the coordinator, even for what should be my celebration. How can I get them to understand that? -- Snubbed, Denver Monday, May 22, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my friends, "Emily," used to be an alcoholic and a drug addict. Now, she is completely sober. I am very happy for her, but she insists on going to bars with everybody and doesn't like it when people call attention to her sobriety. Should I tell others to stop buying shots for Emily or offering her sips of their drinks? I think spreading the word to our immediate friends might help Emily feel more comfortable. -- Sober in a Bar, Newark, New Jersey Saturday, May 20, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I realized I lowballed myself when a company I was interviewing for asked for my desired salary. I did not want to seem greedy and wanted a follow-up interview, so I made an offer on the lower side. This appeared to work, and I am waiting for their final decision after my second interview. If accepted, do I have any wiggle room with my salary, or must I stick to my original ask? -- Worth More, Boston Friday, May 19, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was invited to my ex-boyfriend's family dinner. I am friends with his family and his siblings, but going there for dinner would make me feel uncomfortable. The thought was there, and they are very nice to me, but they keep on inviting me. I politely decline, but how do I tell them nicely that I do not feel comfortable eating there anymore? -- Ex-Friend, Salt Lake City Wednesday, May 17, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: At dinner with my children recently, I noticed them treating the waitstaff poorly. They would roll their eyes, not say thank you and barely acknowledge the servers. I was mortified and asked where they learned this. They all shrugged. A conversation is necessary, but I am not sure whether to start with my ex-husband -- who is notorious for being a menace to any staff -- or with my children. Should I start at the root of the problem, or just focus on my children's behavior? -- We Say Thank You, Shreveport, Louisiana Wednesday, May 10, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have just purchased my first car ever. Although it is a used car, it is in immaculate condition, and I hope to keep it this way for a long time. Many of my friends have had their cars purchased for them by their parents, and they don't respect their vehicles -- or mine. I am sick of dirty shoes being put up on my dash and food being dropped onto the seats. How can I make rules that will be enforced? I feel like a parent in my own car. -- Clean Car, Detroit Tuesday, May 9, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been a part of a chat group for a year or so. We originally bonded from our love of playing video games, but we have now turned into a global support system for each other. We have spoken through video chats, and I have found all of these people on social media, so I know I am not being "catfished." I want to organize our first meetup in person. Would it be crazy to invite them to stay at my place? I don't have the funds for an international flight, so I figured I'd be doing my part by allowing them to stay in my house. -- Online Family, West Palm Beach, Florida Saturday, May 6, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I pay the phone bills of my adult children. They range in age from 18 to 29. I don't mind paying these bills, but my wife recently questioned why I'm doing so if they never answer my calls or text messages. I typically get ignored for a few days. For my youngest, I've tracked down his friend's phone numbers so I can contact him through them when he isn't responsive to me. Should I take my wife's advice and stop paying their phone bills since they don't use these phones to communicate with me? -- Ring Ring, Norman, Oklahoma Friday, May 5, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been faced with the harrowing decision of taking my great-uncle off of life support. He has no other living and willing relatives to take care of him, so I am essentially making this decision on my own. Nobody has taken any interest in either direction, but there is a slim chance of him making it out of his coma. He is 92 already, and I have no idea what I want to do. Tuesday, May 2, 2017
DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently caught snooping for the prenuptial agreement of my father and his new wife. My father caught me on his computer sifting through his legal documents, so what I was looking for was obvious. He didn't demand an explanation, and I just left the room because I didn't want to explain myself.
