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home : columns : dear harriette January 21, 2019

1/9/2019 7:49:00 AM
Wife resents husband's ability to lose weight

DEAR HARRIETTE: My husband and I are in our late 50s, and we are working hard to get fit. My husband is much further along, as he is way more disciplined than I am. But we are both working on it.

I am beginning to feel defeated, mostly because I am not disciplined enough. But also, my husband has lost about 20 pounds and a bunch of inches, while I think I have gained. How can I maintain enthusiasm when I am feeling like a failure? -- Weight Loss

DEAR WEIGHT LOSS: Don't measure yourself against your husband. If you can, find a buddy with whom you can work out, someone who is less threatening than your husband. What you need is motivation to keep moving your body and making smart choices.

Suggest to your husband that you work together to create meals that are low-calorie and healthy. You can work together and on your own or with a buddy. If you make smart choices consistently, it will lead you to better health. Do your best to stop competing with your husband. Men tend to lose weight faster than women. Let him be an inspiration to you, rather than an unpleasant competition. Consider that you are in this life together to be your best. Right now, you both have the same goal.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I graduated from college a few years ago, and I haven't figured out what to do with my life. I have dreams, but nothing has worked out yet. My parents want me to join the family business, but I'm not really interested in it. I recognize it would be a tremendous head start in that field. I would get a lot more accomplished in a shorter amount of time because they've already paved the way and made all of the connections. I'm thinking about doing that for a little while and then hiring people to run it; after that, I'll spin off to do what I really want to do. What do you think about my plan? -- Next Steps

DEAR NEXT STEPS: It sounds like your parents are throwing you a lifeline. You should seriously consider taking it, but you must keep in mind that you have to take it seriously. They have worked hard to build a business. If you go into it, you have to be fully devoted to getting it to the next level. It cannot be just a stopgap until you figure out what's next.

It's OK to not stay in the business forever. In order to do so, though, you should figure out a strategic plan that sets the business on course for prolonged success, where you identify leaders to take over when the time is right. You must keep your parents informed along the way. They should know your intentions before you take over. If they are willing to support your plan, then you can go in with honesty and integrity. But you must give your all to the family business while you are in it.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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