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home : columns : dear harriette February 23, 2019

2/2/2019 12:00:00 PM
Son wants to be police officer, to parent's chagrin

DEAR HARRIETTE: My son wants to become a police officer, and I am worried. I know that it is a so-called good, stable job with benefits. But I worry that he will end up being killed in the line of duty. Plus, these days the community doesn't trust cops the way they did when I was growing up. I know I can't make this decision for him, but I really wish he would go for something else. How can I get him to consider another path? -- Say No to Cop

DEAR SAY NO TO COP: You should not try to dash your son's dreams. Yes, being a police officer comes with certain potential dangers, but he knows that already. We need strong, honest community members to go into law enforcement. Perhaps your son can help to bring back that spirit of community that you appreciated when you were growing up.

Rather than stomping on his dreams, you can express your concerns but give your son your blessing for him to find out if this is the right career for him.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a neighbor who complains about her daughter all the time. Her daughter is an adult who started her life off great. She is smart and was driven to make something of her life, but then she got caught up with a ne'er-do-well guy, and everything went downhill from there. They started smoking crack, and the next thing you know, this young woman with so much potential has taken a nosedive. She can't keep a job. She has stolen from the family home and destroyed property in the house. The police have come to their apartment several times, causing disruption and fear in many of the neighbors -- especially those who have children.

Some days this young woman seems perfectly normal. You would never know she has a problem, but her mother assures me that she is still addicted to crack. As a neighbor, I'm not sure what to do. On occasion this young woman has asked me to buzz her into the building or to use my phone. I have known her for most of her life, but I don't want to become a pawn in this. I also don't want to let her into my house. How can I establish boundaries? -- Neighbor of an Addict

DEAR NEIGHBOR OF AN ADDICT: Start with the mom. Ask her how she recommends you interact with her daughter. Ask if she thinks you should let her in the building or engage her in any way. If she recommends no engagement, you may have to keep your head low when you see the young woman and not comply with her requests. If you have to go that route, you could also apologize and say you're sorry, but you can't help out anymore.

Given that the mother has told you that the daughter has vandalized her own home, you should not let her into your home. As awkward as it may seem, even if you let her use your phone, do so outside your door. Mostly, you need to stay out of this. Until this woman is successfully treated for drug addiction, her behavior will likely be unpredictable.

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