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home : columns : dear harriette July 10, 2020

4/3/2020 10:33:00 AM
Spouse wants to apologize to husband for being ungrateful

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like all of the things that I thought were important don't matter at all in the wake of this COVID-19 crisis. I was complaining just the other day about my husband and how annoying he can be. Now I am so grateful that he is in my life and helping me and my kids to manage this time. I feel like I have been rude and that I have taken advantage of my husband for a long time. My eyes are open now. I want to apologize to him for being a jerk, but I wonder if saying something now is poor timing. What do you think? -- Saying I'm Sorry

DEAR SAYING I'M SORRY: It may be a cliche, but do know that it is never too late to say you're sorry. This is especially true when you are actively participating in a relationship -- your marriage. By all means, talk to your husband. Tell him that you appreciate all that he is doing to protect your family. Go on from there and admit that you realize that it has taken this crisis for you to really see how much he consistently does for you. Apologize for not being aware of all of his contributions in the past. Thank him for being such a great support.

Pivot from there to talk with him about what you two need to do for your family at this time of unknown challenge. Plan for how to care for your children, how to keep them occupied, how to pay your bills and more. Use this stressful time to bring you and your husband closer together.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My mother is an amazing woman. She has managed to raise three children who have become well-adjusted adults, and she did it all without the help of the men in her life. She has married twice, both times to men who did not treat her or her children right.

After the passing of my father, my mother vowed never to fall in love with another man. However, I have noticed how lonely she looks these days. She never goes out, and she spends most of her time watching Korean soap operas. My mom is still young, and I swear she doesn't look a day over 30. I think she still has her charms. But I am worried about her getting hurt by another man. She has told me she wants to meet someone, but she is unsure. I want her to be happy, but I also don't want her to repeat her past marriages. What can she do? -- Mom Needs a Date

DEAR MOM NEEDS A DATE: Creating space for love requires allowing yourself to be vulnerable to another person, and that's OK. Your mother is an adult. She knows the risk. You must understand that, too. That said, sitting at home watching soap operas will not open up the pool of potential dates.

Suggest that your mother consider researching online dating sites. Many couples have found companionship and more by using these sites. To have the best chance of finding a good match, your mother should think seriously about her personality traits and interests. Then she can list them in a profile so that she attracts people who match her.

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