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home : columns : dear harriette July 10, 2020

5/12/2020 8:03:00 AM
Man's declaration of love confuses happy reader

DEAR HARRIETTE: I just received the call that I have been waiting for all my life. The man I have loved more than any other called me to profess his love for me. He told me I was his family, for real. That all of his family knows about me. That he loves me from the depths of his being. I have loved him since I was in college, but he was a player and never made time for me to be his partner. He was respectful and did not dog me the way he did some of the women in his life, but he also never committed.

I don't know what to do with this new information. I am married and have been for many years. I have a decent marriage, but nothing compares to what I feel for my true love. Should I find out if this is real? And, if so, then what? Part of me wonders if that call was a drunk dial, though he didn't sound drunk. I am afraid to believe what I heard, but I did hear it. -- True Love

DEAR TRUE LOVE: Ever heard of too good to be true? I'm sorry to tell you, but that's what this sounds like. Or you could go with another saying -- "too little, too late." On one hand, it's lovely that you got to hear what you have hoped to hear for so long. On the other, how selfish. He knows you are married. He knows that you are unavailable. He likely knows that you have loved him for years.

I would question why he is declaring his love at this time. Is he ill? Is he lonely? Is he now an elder needing your care? Also, ask yourself what you intend to do with this information. Would you leave your husband if this man told you he is ready for you to be in his life as his partner? Do your best to think through all of the scenarios as real-life options. Evaluate the risks and realities. Ask him why he is telling you this now. If you are unable to fully commit to your husband because you still care for him, then you might want to walk in his direction, but do so with caution. Chances are tremendous that your feelings will get hurt.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am so tired right now. Ever since we have been working from home because of the stay-at-home orders, I feel like I have worked twice as hard. I am constantly on teleconferences in which I have to talk for hours and be seen thanks to the video feature. I am so tired of talking that I can hardly find my voice to speak to my husband when the day is finally over. There is no balance, and no end in sight. I don't think I can keep this up. Before, I at least had time to stand up and walk around for a few minutes. How can I draw the line now? I know I should be grateful for my job -- and I am. But this is unsustainable. I need to talk to my boss, but what should I say? -- No End in Sight

DEAR NO END IN SIGHT: Talk to your boss. Explain your state of mind and body. Ask how your boss is doing. Chances are, you are not alone. Ask for some guidelines on working in this new reality. Your question may end up helping your entire team.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.





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