Landmark Skybox

Breeze-Courier | Taylorville, IL
The Weather Network
Advanced Search
search sponsored by


home : columns : dear harriette July 10, 2020

5/15/2020 10:46:00 AM
Husband won't stop berating spouse

DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel like I'm constantly under attack in my marriage. Whenever my husband calls out my name, I cringe because I expect him to disparage me about something. It could be the littlest thing. Like, if he can't find something, he sharply calls out my name and speaks in a berating tone, asking where the thing is. If he is talking about something that I don't know about, he will look at me with his eyes big and wide, suck his teeth and ask how it is possible that I don't know that thing. Whatever the topic, usually he treats me like I'm stupid if I can't immediately join the conversation exactly where he is or have the solution to his problem. This may seem small, buy I really don't know what to do. I am tired of always being under his surveillance. How can I get him to be kind to me? -- Under Fire

DEAR UNDER FIRE: Have you tried to tell him how his tone makes you feel? I know that may seem like a daunting task, but he needs to know that the way he speaks to you is upsetting. You can go one step further and ask him to go to counseling with you. Tell him you love him and want to strengthen your bond. Right now you are feeling very uncomfortable in your relationship. Tell him that you think a professional counselor might be able to help the two of you get back on track.

If he is unwilling, or if this upsets him more, think about removing yourself from this marriage. Do you think that your husband is being verbally abusive? The signs include: condescension, critical comments, blame, threats and accusations, among others. If you are worried that you are stuck in a relationship that is unhealthy, reach out for help. You can call the National Domestic Violence hotline at 1-800-799-7233. For more information, go to /learn/11-common-patterns-verbal-abuse/.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I was recently given a promotion at my job. I was excited about that until I learned that it's a bit complicated. I was up for this promotion for more than a year, and I have been super patient and basically just waiting. My boss had promised it to me a while back. But now that I got it, I learned that I can't get my raise until some indefinite time down the line. Because of the economic situation we are in, they are unwilling to give more money even though they do expect more work. We aren't in a union, so I don't feel like I have much leverage here. Should I go along in hopes that when things get better I'll get a raise, or should I demand my increase now? -- Time for a Raise

TIME FOR A RAISE: We are living through unprecedented times in which the economy is turned upside down and everyone is trying to figure out how to survive. Within this context, patience and faith are key. Do your best at your new job despite the pay freeze. Trust that in time, as the economy improves, you will get your due. Your boss probably can't put a timeline on this as nobody knows how or when the economy will improve. With that in mind, work hard and believe that your paycheck will come.

Article Comment Submission Form
Please feel free to submit your comments.

If you are looking for the SPEAK OUT submission form, you can find it by clicking here: Speak Out Form

Article comments are not posted immediately to the Web site. Each submission must be approved by the Web site editor, who may edit content for appropriateness. There may be a delay of 24-48 hours for any submission while the web site editor reviews and approves it.

NOTE: All information on this form is required. Your telephone number and email address will not be displayed or shared.
Submit an Article Comment
First Name:
Last Name:
Anti-SPAM Passcode Click here to see a new mix of characters.
This is an anti-SPAM device. It is not case sensitive.

Trinity Dodge Fixed
NewsWebPagesOpinionPeopleObituariesAg & BusinessSportsContact UsLife
Subscriptions | Username & Password Reminder | Change Password | Life

Breeze-Courier & Printing | 212 S Main St. Taylorville, IL 62568 | (217) 824-2233 |

© Copyright 2014 Breeze-Courier & Printing. All Rights Reserved.
Original content may not be reprinted or distributed without the written permission of Breeze-Courier & Printing.

Software © 1998-2020 1up! Software, All Rights Reserved