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home : columns : dear harriette October 20, 2020

9/9/2020 7:57:00 AM
After theft, friend doesn't trust woman

DEAR HARRIETTE: A small group of my friends and I recently got together for one of their birthdays at her apartment. I knew almost everyone there besides a few significant others who attended.

I kept my personal belongings in my friend's bedroom during the party. When I gathered my things to leave, I noticed my purse kept popping open and wouldn't close, but I paid it no mind. When I returned home and went through my purse, I realized that my wallet was sitting in my purse upside down. When I opened it, all of my cash was gone. I know how much I had in cash because I had counted it after leaving a nail appointment earlier that day. I called my friend to let her know what happened, and she was alarmed and concerned. We speculated who could have done this, but the only people who went in her room were her, her boyfriend and me. They both swear that they did not steal from me, but there's no way for me to know if it was one of them or if we missed someone else going into her bedroom. Ever since, I have been uncomfortable being her friend; I have tried not to blame her, but it is that feeling of uncertainty that I cannot seem to move past. How do we continue a friendship when I no longer feel a bond of trust? -- Violated Friend

DEAR VIOLATED FRIEND: You need to trust that your friend is telling the truth. Though you didn't see anyone else go in the room, it's likely that some other person at the party was the culprit.

This is a tough situation because many of us put our bags down when among friends. It can seem awkward to hold onto your purse when in the company of close friends. In the future, you may want to hang your bag on your chair or keep it close to you, rather than in another room.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I've just received two job offers for the same position, same pay and equal commute. I'm not sure how to decide which company to choose. I am more than qualified for both jobs, but these companies are paying fairly lower than average for this type of job. I've considered looking for a higher-paying job, but they all require a longer commute. I feel that I will take my chances to negotiate for higher pay for the positions offered and accept whichever is best. I haven't done this before and don't know how to approach the hiring manager. I know my worth, and I know what this job entails, so I think that they should be willing to offer more pay. How do I express this in a professional manner? -- Raising the Bar

DEAR RAISING THE BAR: Given that both jobs offered the same lower wage for the same job, it could be that the rate for that position has decreased, at least in your area. So tread lightly. Choose which company you would prefer if you had to choose. Then go to the other company and tell them that you received two offers and are interested -- but only if they will make a higher bid. If they come back with a sweeter deal, go to your favorite and do the same. Why I suggest holding out on your preferred company is that this plan could backfire. If the other company walks away, you will still have a company that welcomes you.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.





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