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home : columns : dear harriette January 17, 2021

11/10/2020 8:12:00 AM
Move sounds attractive but scary

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just decided to move to Colorado. She said that since she's working from home for the foreseeable future, she might as well go for something on her bucket list. I think she is so brave. She wants to be able to hike and be outdoors in nature and not worry about being cooped up in a tiny apartment in New York.

She invited me to join her, but I'm too scared. I do also work from home, but I have never lived anywhere else. I'm afraid that it might be too much for me. I moved back home with my parents when COVID-19 hit. Do you think I should give it a chance? I'm scared. -- Make a Move

DEAR MAKE A MOVE: This sounds like a perfect opportunity to spread your wings a bit. Since you are living with your parents, chances are you could move back with them if you need to come back home. If you are interested in the lifestyle that has attracted your friend, go for it. If you are not, take the time to figure out what will make you happy and go for that. Following your friend blindly is not a good idea. Take a moment to figure out if you really like the idea.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I got a call from an old college friend asking me to lend her some money. She said that she hasn't worked since she got furloughed at the beginning of COVID, and she is running out of options for how to stay afloat. I feel so bad for her, but I am also worried that lending her money will only lead to a bad situation. How will she be able to pay me back when she is about to lose her home?

She asked for a big chunk of money that I can't afford to give to her. I want to do what I can to help. That means I can give her a smaller amount. I'm afraid it won't be helpful, and she will be upset. Do you think I should go ahead and give her the whole thing and hope she will find the money to pay me back? -- Want To Help

DEAR WANT TO HELP: You are wise to think carefully about how you can realistically help your friend. Rather than turning away from her in her time of need, be smart. Assess what you can afford to give her, and let her know the amount that you are happy to offer with no strings attached. Add that you are very sorry but you cannot afford to lend her the amount she requested.

If you share friends who may be similarly generous to her, you might offer to host a crowdfunding campaign on her behalf. What people used to do years ago was to host rent parties where people came together and fellowshipped while bringing whatever pennies they had to share to help the person in need. Crowdfunding feels like today's version of the old-fashioned rent party.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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