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home : columns : dear harriette February 25, 2021

12/3/2020 8:19:00 AM
Best friend tired of lying to hide woman's affair

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend is cheating on her husband and keeps dragging me into her lies. We work together, and I have to cover for her during work and on the weekends. She will go to lunch with this man, and if her husband calls or stops by, I have to be quick to come up with a lie as to why she isn't in the break room. She will tell him she is out with me, and if he can't reach her, he then calls me and I have to answer as to why she can't answer her phone or come to the phone when he calls.

I want to be there for and support her, but I can't take the pressure because I don't want to be caught in a lie and then have her mad at me because I can't keep up. It has gotten out of control and I don't know what else to do to stay out of it. I need some suggestions. -- Lying Best Friends

DEAR LYING BEST FRIENDS: Pump the brakes! Take your best friend aside and tell her that her time is up. You cannot participate in her lie anymore. You love her, but you have had enough. Tell her that because you love her, you recognize that she has to get herself together. Right now she is out of control and reckless.

Describe to her what you just wrote to me. It sounds crazy and is destined for disaster. Plus, you don't want to participate in a lie. Suggest that she handle her business. It is time for her to choose which man she wants to be with. Even if she isn't ready to make that choice, make it clear to her that you no longer can lie for her.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been married for a long time but have not been sexually active for years. My husband has been begging me to be intimate again. The last time we tried was unsuccessful. As a menopausal woman, my body doesn't work the way it used to. I visited my gynecologist, who suggested that I take estrogen to get things working down there again, but I'm afraid. I have heard that estrogen causes cancer. I want to please my husband, but I don't want to die. What should I do? -- Relight My Flame

DEAR RELIGHT MY FLAME: Talk to your doctor about the pros and cons of estrogen therapy. My research says that locally placed estrogen is far less dangerous than pills that spread the estrogen through your body.

Talk to your doctor about other options too. Over-the-counter lubricants work for some women. Talk to your pharmacist about what items are available that you may try. This, by the way, can include vibrators that can help expand you.

You also might consider participating with your husband in couples sexuality sessions. Rekindling that flame is far more than mechanical. Reigniting romance may be the secret ingredient.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

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