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home : columns : dear harriette April 14, 2021

1/20/2021 8:03:00 AM
Seemingly perfect reader seeks motivation

DEAR HARRIETTE: It's a new year, and everyone has made New Year's resolutions. I have challenged myself every new year, and I've changed my life dramatically. Now I'm kind of stuck on what's next for me. I have transformed my body and nutrition, and I have my dream job, home and family. I would say my life is perfect and I have everything I could have ever wanted; there's nothing more I could ask for. So I really don't know what is next for me -- what goals to set, or what's out there for me to accomplish. How do I find a new motivation? -- Ready for 2021

DEAR READY FOR 2021: Congratulations on having your life in order. This is a significant accomplishment, proof of hard work and focus. What's also true is that nothing stands still. In order to maintain the blessings you have, you must work on them. Why not set goals to stay healthy and continue eating well while figuring out ways to nurture your family? Have fun with this. Get creative. Can you create shared goals with your family that you can work on together? Now is a time to dig deeper to see how you can build on the foundation you have formed. That can be your motivation.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend just started dating this new guy. She talks about him all the time, and everything seems great. They are together every day, and when they are not together, they are on the phone or texting each other constantly. My friend just got out of a really bad relationship, and we agreed that she would take her time before jumping into another relationship so she can learn how to be independent. But as usual, she's jumping from her last relationship, where she was controlled by the guy, into a new relationship, where she thinks that she is in love already. I want to remind her of her pact to herself and tell her she needs to ease off of this guy, but I know her. She's just going to tell me I'm jealous and I don't want to see her happy. She's in lust, so I can't reason with her. Am I making a big deal out of this, or will she be fine? -- Protecting Her

Dear Protecting Her: You already know that when people are "in lust," as you have described your friend, they often cannot hear. What you can do as a friend is listen carefully, to the extent that you are comfortable doing so, and bite your tongue. She won't hear you now anyway. You do not need to condone activities if you do not agree. By that I mean if she asks you whether she should do something that you disagree with, say no. Consider that an opportunity to speak your mind.

When your friend comes up for air and asks for your opinion, that's when you state your thoughts. Rather than judging her, you can remind her of what she has said she wants for her life. You can recommend that she slow down. But know that she may be the friend who is the serial deep-diver. You will have to decide whether you want to ride that wave with her.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.





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