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home : columns : dear harriette April 18, 2021

1/26/2021 7:58:00 AM
Engaged woman worried friend has crush on her

DEAR HARRIETTE: I have a friend in my circle who recently came out as a lesbian. She told us that she had dated girls in secret in the past but decided to let all of us know because she has a crush she can no longer keep quiet about -- but she's waiting for the right time to say who it is. A couple of our friends have been asking me how I felt about what she said, and it's giving me the impression that I am the one she has a crush on. To my knowledge, I am the only one in the dark about what is going on.

I am engaged to a man, and I am so happy with him. My friends are my life, and we have been close since high school; I plan to have them as my bridesmaids. I can't imagine having to turn down one of my close friends and potentially break her heart, but I love my fiance, and my friends all know that. If they are all talking about me and plotting something to get us together, I would be really upset. I could be overthinking all this, but I'm unsure about what's going on, and I feel like they are doing it all behind my back. How do I handle this? -- Who Does She Love?

DEAR WHO DOES SHE LOVE: Stop wondering and ask. Go directly to your friend. Tell her that you are happy for her coming to know who she is, just as you know who you are. Tell her you feel uncomfortable because you are unsure of where her heart lies. If she professes her love for you, tell her you love her as your friend, but you love your fiance as your life partner. You hope she understands and you fear that this revelation from her may hurt your friendship, but you pray it does not.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I work at a company that is pretty mixed politically. I didn't learn that until the presidential election. Before, I blindly assumed everybody thought like me. And then the debates began internally with people saying things that were rude and dismissive if you didn't agree with them. It has just gotten worse as the nation seems to be going to hell. It is hard to work when people can't be civil with one another. What can we do to get back to some semblance of normalcy? -- Business as Usual

DEAR BUSINESS AS USUAL: Our world has turned upside down. People's views are out in the open, often raw for all to see. On one hand, this may be good, as it is revealing the truth about what people think. On the other hand, decorum seems to have left our society.

Your manager or business owner needs to set the tone. It would be smart for your manager to speak to the company, acknowledge that we are living in difficult and volatile times, and state that everyone at your company is expected to behave respectfully, keeping personal political views to themselves. The manager may need to create guidelines and penalties if staffers refuse to behave professionally. Better still would be to create safe spaces for staff to speak to therapists or health care support if and when they feel emotional about anything.

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