Landmark Skybox

Breeze-Courier | Taylorville, IL
Advanced Search
search sponsored by

The Weather Network

home : columns : dear harriette June 25, 2021

4/28/2021 7:50:00 AM
Reader apprehensive about moving relationship to real life

DEAR HARRIETTE: I started talking to a guy during quarantine, and now he wants to take me out. We got close -- from a distance -- over this past year. We even had phone sex. It was fun, given the circumstances. I feel safe with him, or as safe as you can when you haven't physically spent time together.

Because we have established intimacy on the phone and over Zoom, I think he is going to want to actually be physically close soon. I'm scared to death in part because actual intimacy is something I haven't had in a whole year, and also because even though I feel like I know him, this also feels really new. How can I talk to him about this so that things don't get awkward? I am nowhere close to ready to have actual sex with him, but I do want to get together. -- Real Life

DEAR REAL LIFE: Be honest with him. Acknowledge how much fun you have had this past year, getting to know him virtually. Tell him that you are excited about getting together with him in person. Admit, though, that you are a bit nervous. Developing a virtual relationship feels different from cultivating a bond in person. Admit that you are concerned about taking things too fast. Tell him that you want to take it slow and get to know each other in person. You may not have to mention sex at all. If you think it's necessary, tell him that you don't want to be intimate with him yet. You want to wait until it feels right.

DEAR HARRIETTE: My best friend and I have been friends for almost 25 years. We managed to stay close when I went away to college, but when I returned, I realized that our relationship has not been as fruitful. When we hang out, I don't feel valued; I feel insignificant, like my concerns, emotions and ideas are unimportant, and that her issues are somehow worse and her views are more important. I'm feeling so burdened and irritated. How can I break up with my friend? -- Outgrowing Friends

DEAR OUTGROWING FRIENDS: Before you walk away from this lifelong friendship, speak up. Tell your friend that you want to get together to have a heart-to-heart. Be open and honest with her. Explain that you are not feeling valued in your friendship. Give her examples of how you two talk and how she seems to focus on herself to the exclusion of you. Be very specific when you illustrate what hurts your feelings or irritates you. It sounds like she is not a good listener and that she is self-centered. Do your best to outline what you want in your friendship. Make clear points about what would make you happy to get from her.

There is a good chance that your friend doesn't realize that this is what she is doing. Give her a chance to change her ways. If she does not or cannot change, you don't necessarily have to break up with her. You can simply spend less time with her. You can be less available to engage, get together or talk.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

Article Comment Submission Form
Please feel free to submit your comments.

If you are looking for the SPEAK OUT submission form, you can find it by clicking here: Speak Out Form

Article comments are not posted immediately to the Web site. Each submission must be approved by the Web site editor, who may edit content for appropriateness. There may be a delay of 24-48 hours for any submission while the web site editor reviews and approves it.

NOTE: All information on this form is required. Your telephone number and email address will not be displayed or shared.
Submit an Article Comment
First Name:
Last Name:
Anti-SPAM Passcode Click here to see a new mix of characters.
This is an anti-SPAM device. It is not case sensitive.

Trinity Dodge Fixed
NewsWebPagesOpinionPeopleObituariesAg & BusinessSportsContact UsLife
Subscriptions | Username & Password Reminder | Change Password | Life

Breeze-Courier & Printing | 212 S Main St. Taylorville, IL 62568 | (217) 824-2233 |

© Copyright 2014 Breeze-Courier & Printing. All Rights Reserved.
Original content may not be reprinted or distributed without the written permission of Breeze-Courier & Printing.

Software © 1998-2021 1up! Software, All Rights Reserved